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What to do if youre hookup an emotionally unavailable man

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A while back I asked this question on my Facebook wall: What are the most common signs in your experience?

Here are 16 signs of...

I got some great responses, and I asked a similar question to women in my private community. I geek out on this subject because I was a very emotionally unavailable man for over a decade.

Learn to spot the not-so-obvious...

And it caused me a TON of pain and failures in my relationships. I also denied that I had any issues that needed to be worked on. I never took responsibility and most often blamed my girlfriends for the way I was feeling. I did this one with every woman I dated.

Deep down, men like this are very ambivalent about being close with a woman for a long period of time. The older a man gets, the more he hates this about himself, and he often stays stuck by staying in the relationship, but giving very little.

Imagine how the women I dated felt. Thus, underneath all of these behaviors lie unconscious motives that serve to keep him safe in his comfort zone. So, if you can relate to this and are with a man like this, he needs your help, starting with a gentle kick in the ass. I would like to know if a guy already checked out and wanted to end the relationship due to his emotional unavailability, is there any possible way to get him back? He told me that it is all his fault and never blame anything on me.

But I think he does not know that there is such a thing called emotional unavailability, so he does not know how to do the breakthrough. I know that he is not happy with who he is, and he deeply wants to be a better man.

He just recently told me that he cannot be good and he just hates himself very much. What can I do to make him realize that there is a way, if there is a will? This is my husband almost word for word. I am a Christian and God What to do if youre hookup an emotionally unavailable man gives me grace and love for him but I do feel lonely and that we could be.

Any advice to help move him toward trusting me would help. He used to tell me he felt he could tell me anything, then when we got married everything changed quickly. Strangely he opens up most when we are with other people and can be very open and positive and affirmative about me. Claire, I understand your concern. But if you feel that he still loves you and wants to be closer, just try to talk with him about that and ask him straight forward, what is holding him to be more close to you.

It has been painful to love someone who was charming one minute and devoid of the ability to empathize or act in a relational manner the next. He had female friends whose attention he loved and exs he loved to help and all the while he insisted he cared for me too.

Hot and cold and then eventually really cold. What is ur master plan for emotionally unavailable women, Jayson? Would u advise the man What to do if youre hookup an emotionally unavailable man her life the same way u advised women who date unavailable men?

And what percentage of the male population is willing to put in the effort it takes to b with an unavailable woman? Pretty sure I was with this person! He has bailed 3x- usually when life throws too many challenges at him. The last 2 times he left, we were living together.